Mid-Mensan The Newsletter of Mid-Hudson Mensa

April 1998

Thank you, thank you and thank you. These thanks are directed to Vehig Tavitian, Bill Zigo (ye olde editor), and Helen Bassett. All three graciously volunteered to help with the Mensa scholarship essays by grading them. I really appreciate the help, and I'm especially gratified that Vehig and Helen volunteered. Neither of these two members had done this before and both felt compelled to respond after reading my desperate pleas. That really pleased me as it told me that some of you actually read this column. Now, is it possible to find three more volunteers to help rate the regional essays? Please, please, please!

Last month's issue contained a letter that I found especially interesting. It seems that there is another view to being active and that is the one that espouses the position that it's ok to be inactive. Well, I'll have to think about that. However, while I'm thinking about it, did you know that you can become a member of a particular Mensa chapter by choice? This is handy if you work in Connecticut and live in New York and are more likely to go to events in Connecticut. You can also just subscribe to that group's newsletter and still stay a member of our group. I'd really like to see our chapter grow so I have another solution. How about encouraging all those members who are not active to join our chapter and not be active here? That way they could brag that they can't go to events because they're too far and really mean it. Think about it; members from Nebraska belonging to Mid-Hudson. Could they come over the Poughkeepsie bridge? I don't know. If you know of any Mensans from outside of the Mid-Hudson region discuss this with them. Encourage them to join us. Maybe we can become as big as Greater New York. After all, I think we are greater than New York.

I'd like to put out a general call for articles, prose, poetry and artwork. I still have several month's worth of material, but I will gladly accept more.

All of our regular columnists have returned this month. And since it's April, I also had the fun task of planning for our annual humorous "Living Smarter" column. This year, I wrote it myself. By the way, you might want to check other places in this issue to see where I might have put other humorous tidbits. Where are they? I'm not telling you...

This one was submitted by Les Herring:

Around the turn of the century, no name was more famous among outdoorsmen than the Tate's Compass Company of Ohio. Their compasses were renowned for workmanship, beauty and accuracy. No woodsman would be caught without a Tate's.

But around the First World War, something went terribly wrong. Instead of pointing north, the needles of Tate's compasses went completely haywire. No one could depend on them to indicate the proper direction anymore. The Tate's company finally traced the problem to a flaw in the manufacturing process, but it was too late. By then, throughout the country, everyone knew the saying "He who has a Tate's is lost!"

Send your favorite groaner to PUNS c/o Jim Jelacic.

In order to gain instant recognition and save money by not having someone compose it, TV executives use well known, popular songs as the theme songs for their TV shows. Nobody said they were dumb. (But, then again, these are the people that put "My Mother, the Car" on the air!) Here's a list of songs; Supply the TV show. Good luck and keep humming those tunes!

1. Love and Marriage by Frank Sinatra.
2. Working in a Coal Mine by Lee Dorsey.
3. Five O'Clock World by the Vogues.
4. Nice Work if You Can Get It by Fred Astaire.
5. Liberty Bell March by John Philip Sousa.
6. Flight of the Bumble Bee by Rimsky Korsakov.
7. The William Tell Overture by Giacomo Rossini
8. Rock Around the Clock by Bill Haley and the Comets.
9. Londonderry Air, an old English folk tune.
10. Hooray for Captain Spaulding by the Marx Brothers.

Answers near the end of this newsletter.

It used to be that the phrase "bachelor kitchen" struck fear in the hearts and stomachs of everyone, even the bachelor himself. But with technology improvements over the years, even the most inept of novices has nothing to worry about in his kitchen, as long as he follows a few basic rules.

The first task is to buy the right utensils without spending a lot of cash. The kitchen starter set for the bachelor can be completed with a mere 8 items: A large knife, a fork, a can opener, a microwave, a nonstick frying pan, a bottle opener, a blowtorch and a hammer. An optional 9th item would be a telephone with speed-dial installed, containing at a minimum buttons programmed for mom, the fire department and a poison control center.

Once his kitchen has been properly equipped, the bachelor chef may now focus on food preparation and presentation. While there are many rules, the most important one is this: If a food that wasn't green when you bought it turns green, it can only be used for garnish; any green food which turns some other color should be discarded. You should place this message on your refrigerator in letters large and bright enough to see even after several beers. If you do not own your refrigerator, I would avoid writing the message directly on the door (buy a piece of paper and a magnet), or else write it in washable crayons.

Once the bachelor cook has mastered his utensils and technique, he may expand his inventory to include items which are not as important but may someday be useful. This would include a spoon, a mug, a dishcloth, a fire extinguisher and a bottle of ketchup. It is also acceptable to replace any low-tech item with an electric equivalent. An electric can opener is much handier than its hand-held equivalent, as is the electric frypan. However, I do not recommend buying an electric fork unless your face is currently ravaged by acne or unless you have a beard.

At this point, you might be asking about all those really nifty high-tech kitchen gadgets which are available. As time, space and money permit, the bachelor should buy as many of these as possible. Additional space can be made by discarding the instructions to these items. The first high-tech contraption must be the cappucino machine. At some point in his life, the bachelor will probably invite Ms. Right over for a home cooked meal, and no matter how bad the meal was, all will be forgiven with that perfect cup of cappucino afterwards - at least according to commercials I've seen on TV.

With planning, the bachelor can get a lot of satisfaction out of preparing a meal in his kitchen, even when sober. And even if you marry Ms. Right and never have to cook a meal again, don't forget the techniques you've learned. After all, there might be an evening in your future when mom has to go to the PTA meeting, and you don't have the money to order take-out food.

Send your smart tips to: Living Smarter, c/o Bill Zigo. As always, if you don't send me your tips, you'll have to put up with mine.

It is with great despair that I must report that my three year old child did not excel on his first bout with standardized testing. However, I will add this caveat-- I still think he's brilliant, and nobody is going to change my mind on that subject. Einstein couldn't comb his hair either, right?

This all began with the idea that my little guy just doesn't care to talk or to socialize. If a stranger says "Hello" to him, he looks at them as if they are strange, and then he goes off to the corner to take a toy apart. (He's working on the "back together" stage but it's much more fun to take it apart. I think he's going to be an engineer.)

So we went to the special education people in our school district, and after making sure his hearing was fine (I knew it was. He can hear the Shining Time Station credits a mile away and come running, he just doesn't like to hear the words "No" or "Please do that."), we decided he could probably use some work on the socialization thing.

He had an appointment for "testing." It went something like this:

The teacher gets out a chart with big exciting pictures on it. Kyle is supposed to sit in a chair and look at it. Kyle sits in the chair for maybe .876 seconds, glances at the pictures and gets up to play with a train. So mommy gets to hold Kyle on her lap, and after the screaming session, we begin.

Teacher: Kyle, can you show me who is SPLASHING.
Correct answer: Child points to picture of child in tub.
My child: I want to GO HOME NOW.

It wasn't very long until we abandoned this exercise with Kyle firmly rooted in the 0th percentile for his age group. When it became clear that Kyle had no intention of cooperating, we switched tests. This is one where the teachers ask the parents questions about what the child will do.

Teacher: Can Kyle recognize any letters?
Average answer is about five upper case letters.
My answer: Yes, he knows them all, in order, upper and lower case, but he only knows what about 15 words start with.
Teacher does not believe mother, but marks the yes box.
Teacher: Can Kyle appropriately greet a strange adult?
Correct answer: Yes, child says hello.
My answer: Only if "you go bye bye" is an appropriate salutation.
Teacher marks the no box.
Teacher: Can Kyle count to five?
Average answer is yes.
My answer: Yes, he can count to 100, but he's slow after the teens, he doesn't quite say "twenty one", he says "twenty" and "one", but he can count backwards from twelve.
Teacher marks the yes box, as my child sits in the corner pondering what makes the horsey bounce out of the box.

Mom takes Kyle home and puts him in the bathtub. Kyle starts laughing and says, "I SPLASH, mama!" Mama rolls her eyes and shrugs her shoulders. Being in the 0th percentile isn't so bad. He gets to go to preschool on the school district's budget, doesn't he?

Easy:

V LQI GA K UGOFQ KI IQA IG GAQ. VI

PVPA'I MGWQ VA NAIVZ UKZR EKFI RVBQ.

UQAAH HGNATWKA

Hard - no punctuation, grouped in 5:

DUODA CUYYS YTRKY XWTVF JWYWJ DWHFJ

GDXJK TUWYR RYCRJ ZPWWT VFHXR OYXYH

WJAHD WLJXK PJUH

Answers near the end of this newsletter.

     I would be the most remiss
     If I did not emit a hiss
     At those, who, with eyes all agog
     Sit down, while sipping cup of grog,
     And tune in the metropolis--
     Which looks like a necropolis.

     Men stand around in quietude
     For a lengthy interlude
     In a manner indolent--
     I find this most insolent--
     While those who watch become excited
     Looking at the incondited.

     It would take an autocrat
     To move them from their habitat.
     Their close attention is moronic,
     And it makes me feel sardonic.
     You see, I find it quite inane
     That men would watch a baseball game.

Greetings, Fellow Trivians! Here are rules of the game:

Only correctly submitted answers by the specified deadline by either hardcopy (on paper) or ethercopy (e-mail) will be judged.

All answers at once; no some of the answers today and the rest next week. Tell me your answers at an event, and I'll forget them. Miss the deadline, miss your chance.

On debatable answers, if you can prove your point, I may re-evaluate.

Otherwise, the decision of the most omnipotent judge (ME!) is final.

On submitted questions, give the question, answer and its source. You must give the source of your answers for your questions if you wish them to be considered.

Put your name on all correspondences (i.e. answers, questions, platitudes of praise, etc.) Let's give credit where credit is due.

It's too soon for March's answers. Here are this month's questions:

Q7: Originally stationed at Lowery Air Force Base, Denver, the Air Force Academy moved to its permanent site in 1958 north of what Colorado city?

Q8: Which actor who became famous playing James Bond in the movies once played brother Beau on TV's Maverick?

Q9: The star of the 1932 Summer Olympics games in Berlin caused much embarrassment to Adolf Hitler and his "Aryan" race. What American athlete won 4 gold medals?

Q10: Holy wedlock!! In the comics, did Superman ever pop the question to Lois Lane?

Q11: Scientists reported (and it was confirmed) the finding of 2 more moons orbiting Uranus. As of the 10/31/97 report, this brings the total number of moons to what?

Q12: True or false: The vast Incan empire (2500 miles from north to south) had an extensive network of roads but never used wheeled vehicles.

Q13: Astronomically speaking, what is the heart of the Lion?
(Submitted by Dave Cardall)

Q14: Identify the only city in the US where kazoos are made.
(Submitted by Dave Cardall)

Send your answers and questions (with answers) to TRIVIA CONTEST c/o Jim Jelacic by April 30.

When can you see Bibi Sandstrom whine that she doesn't have as much as everyone else, Eric Kollenberg be filthy, and see yours truly incredibly benevolent? No, it's not at board meetings; it's while playing the game Cosmic Encounter. This game originally came out in the 1970's by a company called Eon. Since then, it has gone through expansion sets, redesigns, new owners and new marketings, but the basic premises of the game are still the same. It has made Games Magazine's list of 100 best games of the year many times, and I hope it will eventually make their hall of fame.

At the start of the game, each player has a star system with 5 inhabited bases. The object of the game is to acquire 5 bases in other players' star systems. This is done through challenges. A player's opponent is determined, and that player attacks one base in the opponent's system. Each player may invite any or all other players to participate as allies, and each invited person may come in as an offensive or defensive ally. Each combatant then plays a "Challenge Card" and adds the value on the card to the number of tokens in the challenge. The higher total wins; losing tokens go into a "warp" where they are temporarily out of the game. Allies share in some victory benefits. Either or both players may also play a compromise card, which indicates they are willing to make a deal. If only one player plays a compromise card, that player loses but gets consolation from the winner. If both players play compromise cards, they have 3 minutes in which to make a deal between themselves (allies must go home).

Sounds straightforward, right? It's not. You see, each player also has one special alien power which allows him or her to break the rules of the game in one specific way. In the examples above, Bibi is the "Sniveler", who may whine that she is worse off than all other players; they must either make sacrifices to appease her, or provide "consolation". Eric is the "Filth", a species so repulsive that every time his tokens land on a planet, everyone else must leave. My character is the "Philanthropist", who may give any challenge cards - good or bad - to other players. Sadistic players - like me - often run games where each player has 2 alien powers.

There are also special cards with special powers affecting challenges, removing tokens from the warp, or the dreaded "Cosmic Zap", which negates a player's alien power for that challenge.

Expansion sets introduced dozens of new powers, a money system (lucre), additional challenge and special power cards, moons with unique powers, flare cards (which by themselves provide special powers or can supercharge your alien power), kicker cards (they multiply the value of a challenge card), and more. Eon originally provided 9 expansion sets.

While ok for 2, Cosmic Encounter is best for a group of 3-6 aliens.

In March, I mentioned 2 occultations, the crescent moon, and several other observing projects. Did you try any of these? I also mentioned that the Eclipse report would be this month. I'm glad to report that the weather cooperated in Aruba, and I was able to see almost the entire eclipse, including all of totality. My pictures came out really well. I'll be glad to e-mail you some if you're interested, or mail you a glossy for a small fee. The Skypub.com web page has some nice pictures too. I'm sure more will be coming in every day, as it was a great eclipse!

April Planets: In the evening sky, Saturn Mars and Mercury are all very close together, but very low in the West, after sunset. Jupiter and Venus are both easy targets in the morning sky. By the 23rd, the 2 will be extremely close together, with the moon. (All 5 planets were visible during the eclipse by the way!).

Other April Events:

04/01 - The moon will pass very close to the star Aldebaran, in Taurus
04/05 - Set your clocks ahead! This is astronomy related!
04/22 - The Lyrid Meteor shower is visible in the morning sky
04/24 - The moon is very close to Mercury

Astro News: I've been reading about so-called Iridium satellites, which can flare to brightnesses much greater than Venus! If you'd like information on how to spot these (so far) elusive objects, or how to spot Mir, let me know.

Upcoming MHAA Events (for Southeastern New York State):

04/21 - 7:30 PM Indoor meeting at SUNY - Speaker is still TBD
04/04 - 8:00 PM Outdoor meeting at Bowdoin Park
04/24 - 8:00 PM Outdoor meeting at Wilcox Park

Next Time: May brings an ever changing array of planets and another meteor shower.

Tom Rankin

MHAA Home Page: http://www.geocities.com/CapeCanaveral/5679
Check out the (nearly?) weekly trivia quiz!

Cryptogram Answers:

Easy:
I bet on a horse at ten to one. It didn't come in until half past five.    Henny Youngman

Hard:
Always look out for Number One and be careful not to step in Number Two.    Rodney Dangerfield

TV Theme Song Answers:

1. Married...with Children
2. Working
3. The Drew Carey Show
4. Cybill
5. Monty Python's Flying Circus
6. The Green Hornet
7. The Lone Ranger
8. Happy Days
9. The Danny Thomas Show or Make Room for Daddy (The tune is also known as Danny Boy)
10. You Bet Your Life