Mid-Mensan The Newsletter of Mid-Hudson Mensa

April 1999

Greetings Everyone. When I started writing this column the weather was very cold. But, more recently we've had temperatures in the 60's and certainly an early taste of Spring. I guess the only thing that can be said for the weather in March is that it is unpredictable.

Our chapter received confirmation from the National Office on our purchase of a brick in Mensa's Walk of Fame. This project was started to help defray the costs of the new National Office and just generally put American Mensa on a more sound financial footing. If anyone is interested in purchasing a brick in honor of, or in memory of a special someone, please contact the National Office, and they'll help you arrange it.

The local scholarship judging has completed, and the best essays have been passed on to the regional level. Upon request from our local scholarship coordinator, Betsy Burke, I’d like to thank the local members who helped out by judging the essays this year: Helen Bassett, Vehig Tavitian, and Bill Zigo.

Mid-Hudson Mensa's RG will be a little later this year; we’re holding it September 24-26. Our theme is year is "Rocky 7, Bullwinkle 5", and we're working on a number of creative ideas that I'm sure will prove interesting to the attendees. Why not join us and share in all the fun! Watch for more information as we firm up our plans for this always enjoyable weekend.

Oh, and a big reminder!!! If you haven't paid your dues for 1999, this will be the last newsletter you’ll receive!! Please, help keep Mid-Hudson Mensa strong and growing.

Well, I've gotta run; the "paws" want to go "walkies", so it’s grab the leashes, and out the door for me. Bye!

This month’s insult comes to us from the H. B. Reese Candy Co., a division of Hershey Foods Corporation, for the vending machine size KitKat® candy bar. It now features new, improved packaging, namely an “easy open” wrapper. On the front of the bar, in a small white sign on the left of the wrapper, is a small arrow with the words “Easy Open, See Back”. On the back, at the edge of the part of the wrapper which folds over is a second sign which says, “Lift & Pull Here.” When you do this, you see a third sign which says, “Hold Here.”

What a concept, a candy bar which you can easily open by pulling the wrapper apart at the seam!

(By the way, on the two most recent KitKat® candy bars I purchased, I found that if I pulled the wrapper apart at the other end of the bar - the side without the instructions - it actually opened easier in both cases.)

Normally, for my April column, I invite someone to submit a humorous “helpful hints” article. This year I’m trying something different. About a year ago, I purchased an interesting book at a used book store, The “International Compendium of Practical Knowledge”, by K. L. Armstrong. Sounds okay so far, right? Well what about when I tell you that this book was copyrighted in 1895? So, the tips in this month’s issue are some of the more “interesting” tips I would have provided had I been doing this column at the turn of the last century. I enjoyed the tips so much that I couldn’t keep them to a single page.

Do you have itching problems? Try an ointment made from two ounces flowers of sulphur, four ounces of hog’s lard, half an ounce of white hellebore powder, and sixty drops of oil of lavender. If that doesn’t work, try a lotion made of two drams of iodide of potass mixed with eight ounces of distilled water.

Are you nervous? To combat nervousness, one must partake of cheerful society, rise early, and exercise in the open air, particularly on horseback. Avoid late meals, excitement, and study. For related spasmodic or hysterical disorders, also create a mixture of six drams tincture of valerian, seven ounces of camphor mixture; consume ¼ of this mixture three times a day. [It’s interesting to note that immediately after the treatments of these and more serious maladies, the book lists the largest safe doses of poisonous drugs.]

Do you have ants or waterbugs? In the evening, when you are through using the room, close the room as tightly as possible, then burn a piece of brimstone.

Does your dog kill chickens? You can prevent it from happening again by thrashing the dog with a dead chicken.

Etiquette is important. One must remember that all irritability and gloom must be thrown off when one enters society. Avoid any familiarity with a new acquaintance, for you never know when you may give offense. Never play practical jokes, as the results can be so serious as to entail life-long regret of the joker. Never enter a room noisily. Never seal a letter that is to be given to a friend for delivery - it looks as though you doubted his or her honor in refraining from examining the contents. Never correct any slight inaccuracy in statement or fact, for it is better to let it pass than to subject another to the mortification of being corrected in company. Never presume to attract the attention of an acquaintance by a touch, unless you are extremely intimate. It is a duty to always look pleased and interested, even in a story you may have heard several times before.

The rich should be careful how they give to the poor, lest their pride be hurt [the pride of the poor, that is]; a poor person can give to those of wealth only something which has cost affection, time or talent.

Here’s some etiquette tips for those of you attending RG’s in 1899: It is a sign of vulgarity and ill-breeding to yawn in the presence of others, put your feet on a chair, stand with your back to the fire, take the most comfortable seat in the room, or do anything that displays selfishness or a lack of respect for others. A lady of good breeding will not sit sideways on a chair, with her legs crossed or apart, or with her chin held in her hands. A man of good breeding will not twirl his watch, sit astride a chair, bite his nails or nurse his leg. [Thanks to Kathie Vanleer for explaining that this means to sit with your legs crossed and swing your free leg. I had visions of someone having gout and doing morbid things to the leg.]

Do you want to master the art of conversation? If you have something to say, it should be said in the best possible manner, using the best possible English, with proper accent and diction. Avoid inaccuracies of expression, hesitation or undue use of French [!!]. Good breeding demands absolute suppression of emotion, including anger, laughter, mortification, or disappointment. If you cannot be animated, sympathetic and cheerful, then you should not go into society. All slang is vulgar. Punning is quite objectionable. An inveterate punster is an intolerable bore. Unless a pun is a positive witticism it should never be propounded in company. Avoid long arguments. Never interrupt another’s speech. Gentlemen should avoid discussions of business and farming in general society. Do not speak of personal or private matters in company. Do not slight the city or neighborhood in which you are visiting. Always yield the point in conversation if the argument may become violent. In conversation, if you cannot agree with the proposition being advanced, it is best to observe silence unless asked for your opinion. When asked, give your opinion modestly but decidedly. It is in bad taste to brag about traveling to foreign countries, attending college, or prominent family heritage. Remember to contribute your quota to the conversation; it is your duty to entertain as much as to be entertained. An excellent quality in a woman is to speak in a low but sweet voice in a subdued tone. And finally, avoid loud laughter in society.

Here's one Bill Zigo found in the August 1998 issue of HMMmm, the newsletter of High Mountain Mensa, Dennis Lenahan, editor:

As with so many of these stories, this one starts in a mythical kingdom far, far away. The king had become highly suspicious of Count Edward and Count Henry, the landlords of the northeast and northern provinces, respectively. The king was quite certain that both provinces were under-reporting their income and therefore paying way too little in taxes. The king ordered Count Edward and Count Henry brought to the castle, where he grilled them on the location of the unpaid monies. When they failed to crack under heavy questioning, the king brought in his two best executioners. With Edward and Henry on their knees before the chopping blocks, the king gave them one last chance to come clean. Neither confessed.

The executioner trainees pushed Edward’s and Henry's heads down to the chopping blocks. The executioners raised their axes and started to swing. "Wait! Wait! We'll confess!" shouted Edward and Henry simultaneously. Both executioners tried to hold back, but it was too late. The momentum of the axes carried through, and the two heads tumbled to the floor. "Darn," said the king, "Now we'll probably never find the hidden money."

Moral: Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.

Send your favorite groaner to PUNS c/o Jim Jelacic.

In keeping with the pun above: A game I recently purchased was popular at the “End of the Universe” and “Snowball” RG’s, earlier this year. The game is Guillotine™, produced by Wizards of the Coast, Inc.®

Guillotine is billed as “The revolutionary card game where you win by getting a head.” With a description like that, you know you’re in for humor.

Guillotine is for two to five players. The game consists of two decks of cards: a deck of nobles, and a deck of action cards. Each noble card has a drawing of someone who has been classified as a noble to potentially behead. Each noble has a point value. For example, Louis XVI is worth five points, a minor priest may be one or two points, and the people’s hero is negative three points. Each day nobles are lined up in front of the guillotine. At the end of each player’s turn, the noble at the front of the line falls victim to the guillotine, and the player collects that card and the associated points. But prior to collecting the noble, each player may play a action card, which permits the player to alter the line (including adding or removing nobles), modify the score, etc. After three days of executions, the player with the highest point total is the winner.

Decode the phone numbers to determine the clues.

1	ABC  2	DEF  3
GHI  4	JKL  5	MNO  6
PRS  7	TUV  8	WXY  9

This month's theme: Beverages

1. (826) 642-2243
2. (374) 658-2329
3. (252) 613-7465
4. (254) 377-8263
5. (733) 679-4483
6. (747) 378-6867
7. (225) 678-5237
8. (944) 836-6547
9. 252-5282
10. (776) 783-7465

Answers near the end of this newsletter.

Easy:

D'L OQA N EVZVANWDNO PVRNCYV D JQEV

NODLNJY; D'L N EVZVANWDNO PVRNCYV D

BNAV SJNOAY. N. GBDAOVK PWQGO

Hard - no punctuation, grouped in 5:

RZCAB NIBEJ LIORM HRJMR JBMJQ JIWMP

RANDO MNIBE JLIOR MFPRF PRICH IRNOJ

Y

Answers near the end of this newsletter.

The battle of good versus evil has been the meat of theater since the Golden Age of Greece. TV has had a plethora of police and crime dramas since its beginning. See if you can name the show, the characters and the actors from these cops and robbers shows.

1. It opened with a picture of a badge and the familiar "dum... de dum dum". Taken from files from the Los Angeles police department, it was popular for its catch phrases "Just the facts, ma'am" and "I'm a cop. I carry a badge."
2. He was a dashing, sophisticated crook - a gentlemanly modern Robin Hood who used his abilities to help those who have been robbed, cheated or swindled. This Englishman's calling card was a stick figure with a halo.
3. This chief of detectives was a millionaire who drove to the crime scenes in a Rolls Royce. The show had many movie and TV stars as guests - 63 in the first eight episodes.
4. This show featured a bevy of beauties battling bad boys and controlled by a man known only as Charlie. See if you can name all six sexy sirens.
5. This dapper American cat burglar was caught, and to get out of prison, made a deal to work for a US spy agency stealing secrets all over Europe. He was later joined by his father, a retired thief who taught him everything he knew.
6. This trio of hippie cops was to infiltrate the counterculture and capture criminals who preyed on the young in Southern California.
7. This delightful family of jewel thieves and con men based in London and Paris was governed by the American cousin after the head of the family retired. Both British and French family members spent most of their time relieving the rich of their wealth.
8. This extremely polite Royal Mountie was assigned to Chicago and helped his street-smart American partner fight crime in the big city, far from the Canadian wilderness.
9. This former San Francisco chief of detectives solved his cases from his wheelchair. Rumors ran around saying the actor really was a paraplegic due to an accident.
10. This drama followed the careers of a detective and a young gangster, both moving up the ranks. The most notable thing about the show was its theme song: Del Shannon's "Runaway."

Answers near the end of this newsletter.

Greetings, Fellow Trivians! There’s one thing I forgot to mention in last month's details of the Trivia Contest: There is a prize!!! The winner will receive a $15 gift certificate to Barnes & Noble. Not bad for mailing me the answers you already were trying to figure out.

It’s too soon for March's answers. Here are this month's questions:

Q11: It was discovered in the 17th century and was known as New Holland, Botany Bay and New South Wales. What country was incorporated into a commonwealth in 1901?

Q12: Who has won the most Oscars?

Q13: Samuel de Champlain founded what city on the St. Lawrence River in 1608 making it the oldest city in Canada?

Q14: What Russian mystic who gained influence over Czarina Alexandra in 1905 was known as the "mad monk"?

Q15: What are the elements scandium, yttrium and the lanthanum series in Group IIIB of the Periodic Table commonly known as?

Q16: Russian master Tarrasch wrote that it is "... like women, like music, has the power to make men happy." What is it?

Q17: What is the loudest animal? (Submitted by Dave Cardall)

Q18: Who lives at 1313 Mocking Bird Lane? (Submitted by Dave Cardall)

Q19: According to Billboard Magazine, did Bob Dylan have any #1 songs? (Submitted by Bill Zigo)

Send your answers and questions (with answers and references) to TRIVIA CONTEST c/o Jim Jelacic by April 30.

Last time, I mentioned close passes of the planets in the evening sky. Did anyone see any? By the way, the conjunction between Venus and Jupiter was really nice. I’ve got some nice pictures I downloaded from the Web if you want to see them. I even took one decent one myself.

April: At the beginning of the month, The Moon and Mars are close together. Venus and Saturn are still easily visible, but Jupiter is behind the Sun now. Near the end of the month, Jupiter may be visible in the morning with Mercury actually above it.

Other April Events:

04/04 - Set your clocks ahead! Daylight savings time begins tonight!
04/16 - Mercury is visible in the AM sky.
04/16 - The Moon is only 19.3 hours old at sunset! A tough one!
04/22 - The Lyrid Meteor shower peaks.
04/24 - Mars is at opposition (rises at sunset and sets at sunrise)

Since it’s April, instead of “Astro News”, in keeping with the cover of this month’s newsletter, I thought I’d talk about “Life on other Worlds”:

Starting not so far away, there are those who postulate that Mars once harbored life. The “face” has been shown to be a natural phenomenon, and the so-called “Mars Rock” that contained “organic substances” is now viewed with great skepticism. But there is still a mission in the works to bring soil samples back to Earth and see just what is in them. There is also a great deal of evidence that Mars used to have lots of water, something necessary for life.

Some astronomers believe life may exist under the ice of Europa, one of Jupiter’s moons. There appears to be water several miles beneath the frozen surface, and if there’s water, there may also be life. For details see http://news.bbc.co.uk:80/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_98000/98880.stm.

Another Moon that may harbor life is Titan. But not now - sometime in the far-flung future, when the Sun expands tremendously, and puts out more energy than it does now, thereby warming Titan to the point where life may be able to exist.

A little further out, there are a few planets that have been discovered that orbit nearby stars similar to the Sun. However, all of them appear to be gas giants. There really isn’t any compelling planetary discovery yet that has any chance of harboring life as we know it.

Another approach is SETI (Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence), which is listening on literally millions of radio channels for intelligent signals. To date, there has been only one signal received that might be non-natural, but even this one was questionable. See http://www.setileague.org for more information. You can even help them search if you have a PC and some spare time!

University of Arizona astronomy professor Dr. Neville J. Woolf has stated that one way to find life on other worlds is to search for ozone, since this is a “signature” of life as we know it.

One argument against life is: “Given the billions of years the universe has supposedly existed, why hasn’t someone else evolved first to the point of being sentient and visited us?” (There are people who believe this has already happened, but I have yet to see any hard evidence.) The response to this is that it may have taken billions of years for stars to form like our Sun, with enough “metals” (astronomers call everything above Helium on the periodic chart metals) around them to form planets like ours. So we may be the early inhabitants of the universe after all! It has taken millions if not billions of years for us to get to where we are on this planet. So it might be that if there is life out there, they’re just getting started too. But if their technology grows at the rate that ours has, this argument is substantially weaker. Who knows where we’ll be in a few hundred years?

Recently, I read a book called The Physics of Immortality, where the author argues that we will be the alien life on other worlds some day! Soon, he says, we will be able to send out microscopic universal constructors to all corners of the galaxy (ultimately to the entire universe!), that will find planets, clone humans there (!), clone themselves, and send the clones on to their next destination. Wow! Now that’s science fiction! But many times, science fiction has become fact...

Upcoming MHAA Events (for Southeastern New York State):

04/09 - 8:00 PM Outdoor meeting at Wilcox Park (Venus and Mars)
04/16 - 8:00 PM Outdoor meeting at Sam s Point (near Ellenville)
04/20 - 7:30 PM Indoor meeting at SUNY New Paltz, Lecture Center 112

Call (914) 485-5669 (new number) for the MHAA Hotline: Information, Astronomy News, etc. Would you like to borrow a telescope from the Club for a month? Let me know. We've got several “loaner” scopes that are very easy to use. We have lots of other Astro stuff to lend as well.

Next Time: Saturn and Jupiter will be morning objects. And we’ll be having Astronomy Day!

Tom Rankin

MHAA Home Page: http://www.geocities.com/CapeCanaveral/5679

Tele-Teaser Answers

1. (826) 642-2243 = Tannic Acid = Tea
2. (374) 658-2329 = Drink 8 a day = Water
3. (252) 613-7465 = A Jan. 1 Drink = Champagne
4. (254) 377-8263 = A Kid’s Stand = Lemonade
5. (733) 679-4483 = Red or White = Wine (or Grape Juice)
6. (747) 378-6867 = Rises to Top = Cream
7. (225) 678-5237 = Calms Ulcer = Buttermilk
8. (944) 836-6547 = White on Lip = Milk
9. 252-5282 = a.k.a. Java = Coffee
10. (776) 783-7465 = Sport Drink = Gatorade®

Cryptogram Answers:

Easy:

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals; I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
A. Whitney Brown

Hard:

I'm on a grapefruit diet. I eat everything but grapefruit.
Chi Chi Rodriguez

"Cops and Robbers" TV Trivia Answers:

1. Dragnet - Jack Webb as Joe Friday.
2. The Saint - Roger Moore as Simon Templar.
3. Burke's Law - Gene Barry as Amos Burke.
4. Charlie's Angels - Kate Jackson as Sabrina Duncan, Farrah Fawcett-Majors as Jill Munroe, Jaclyn Smith as Kelly Garrett, Cheryl Ladd as Kris Munroe, Shelley Hack as Tiffany Welles and Tanya Roberts as Julie Rogers.
5. It Takes a Thief - Robert Wagner as Alexander Munday and Fred Astaire as Alister Munday.
6. The Mod Squad - Michael Cole as Pete Cochran, Clarence Williams III as Linc Hayes and Peggy Lipton as Julie Barnes.
7. The Rogues - Gig Young as Tony Fleming, David Niven as Alec Fleming and Charles Boyer as Marcel St. Clair.
8. Due South - Paul Gross as Constable Benton Fraser and David Marciano as Det. Ray Vecchio.
9. Ironside - Raymond Burr as Robert Ironside.
10. Crime Story - Dennis Farina as Lt. Mike Torello and Anthony Denison as Ray Luca.