Phraseology, by Angela Tremain

Because he needs no praise, wilt thou be dumb? -Shakespeare, Sonnet 101

Wow. My first column as Editor. What do I say? Well ... First, I must beg everyone's indulgence for the long list of thank yous to follow.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to Ziggy for his help during the transition. No question that I put to him was left unanswered, no request unfulfilled. He has been terrific in helping me to prepare for this work, and I'm truly appreciative. He is also kindly staying on as Calendar Editor, making my job easier than his was, and is even resurrecting his "Are You Game?" column for us. And there's still his music trivia and the membership column ... Hey, Ziggy-are you quitting or what?!

Not having been in Mensa for long, I'm still piecing together the local history. A lot of the pieces seem to have Bill Zigo's name attached to them. Every now and then, I hear of another office he's held or hat he's worn. Although he is passing on the Editor's hat, we continue to have much for which to thank him, including his work as Secretary and the organization of this year's RG.

Three cheers and a Golden Marmot for Ziggy!!

OK, enough of embarrassing Ziggy. On to the rest of my targets.

Thanks to Bibi Sandstrom. Her enthusiasm and involvedness are catchy, and I'm certain that it is in part due to her that I decided to take on this responsibility.

Thanks also to Dave Kochler who, immediately on being asked, agreed to do a new column. In addition to his regular "David Lettermensa's Top 5 List", he now contributes a limited-run column, "David Lettermensa's Stupid Math Tricks". If you've ever held more than 10 minutes' conversation with Dave, he's probably tried to explain to you some wacky number thing that he came up with. Frankly, I've never understood them. Now that he's writing them down, maybe I'll be able to leisurely look them over and figure out what he's been talking about. A related thank you to Eric Kollenberg for providing the graphic for Dave's column on very short notice at the Gimmee Grabbee Gift Exchange. See page 21 for the results of their labors.

The Editor expresses her most sincere gratitude to Miss Mensa for her warm welcome and for the suggestion of a new version of Pride and Prejudice to view. A shared appreciation for Mr. Darcy's finer points-perhaps also for Mr. Knightly's?-is sure to prove enjoyable to both in issues to come.

Thanks to Alan Hauck for making my first issue's cover as snazzy as that of any past Editor's.

Of course, I must thank my parents, because, if I don't, I'll probably be viewed as an ungrateful child.

And thanks most of all to everyone who, on being informed that I was taking on this job, did not look askance and say, "Her?"

Editor's Cool Folks of the Month

Thanks to this month's proof readers: Eric Kollenberg, Charlie Rovner, Bibi Sandstrom, and Stephanie Walker, all of whom took some time out from the festivities at the Holiday Party to help out. Thanks also to last month's FSM crew: Alan Hauck, Dave Kochler, and Joanne Schultz.

Next Month

Spring will be our theme. Remember, readers-you, too, could be a contributor. If you have anything to offer on spring (prose, verse, art, idle thought), send it to:

Angela Tremain

14 Greenrose Drive

Marlboro, NY 12542

Letter to the Editor

Dear Editor,

Thanks to Candace Cowan, Dawn Hamilton, Tom Rankin, and Kathie Van Leer, we introduced many people to Mensa and raised $75 for the scholarship fund at Barnes and Noble's "Mensa Day"-and learned a thing or two about wrapping gifts along the way (well, I did anyway). Kudos to all for a job well-done and good-fun (a poem).

I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank outgoing editor Bill Zigo for doing a great job for five years, and in particular for putting up with almost-consistently late submissions (um, new editor, do not read this sentence) from yours truly; I know it made a tough job tougher, and I apologize. We also may have had run-ins about run-ons and punctuation, but I'd like to tip my hat to Ziggy's punctuality, dedication, innovation, thought, and creativity-as long as Eric hasn't stuck a marmot atop my head. Thanks and kudos for being a heckuvan editor, Zig.

-Bibi "What, Me Procrastinate, No, Wait, that should be I Procrastinate" Sandstrom

Amid Hudson Mensans, by Merrill Loechner & Bill Zigo

Happy January & February birthdays to the following Mensans:

1/2 Sheri Levson

1/4 Angela "ye ed" Tremain

1/5 Bob Naborney

1/8 Frank Kuftack

1/13 Ellen Pavloff

1/20 Roberta Walsh

1/22 Ryan McCann

1/30 Dr. Edward Quinn

2/2 Timothy Dempsey

Robert Sarno

2/3 Dawn Hamilton

2/4 Merrill Loechner

2/5 George Jordy

2/7 Susan Russell

2/9 Susan Breslow

2/10 Phyllis Harrington

2/13 Andi Weiss Bartczak

Ronald Kivel

2/14 Helen Feddema

2/15 Ronald Perry

2/16 David Furlin

Laurie Hicinbothem

2/17 George Dagis

2/21 Thomas Masterson

2/22 Robert Bascombe

Eric Kollenberg

Robert McAndrew

Jules Shayo

Stephanie Walker

2/23 Shannon Kelly

2/27 Dr. Richard Carter

Jay Sorkin

Wow, five birthdays on 2/22-we should celebrate.

Mensans celebrating an anniversary of continuous membership in January & February include:

01 Jeff Barrans

Daniel Castricone

George Dagis

Andrew Lorino

Michele Schwartz

99 Timothy Dempsey

Barbara Rankin

98 Martin Davis

97 Frank DeMuth

95 Helen Bassett

Rabecka Bourke

Joseph Trost

94 Les Herring

Charlie Rovner

Joanne Schultz

93 Tim Tate

92 Margaret Disilvestro

Helen Feddema

Ron "ye publisher" McMurdy

90 Evan Goldfischer

87 Heather Berniker

86 Bob Naborney

Bibi Sandstrom

Roberta Walsh

85 Dr. Edward Quinn

83 Eugene Garvin

Constance Hornbeck

80 Sam Morris

74 Susan Breslow

Karl Zetterholm

70 Dan Friedman

67 Vehig "Ms. PotPourri" Tavitian

66 Marvin Eisenberg

Welcome to new members Susan Cabrera of New Hampton, Donald Leary of Wingdale, and Michael McLaughlin of Wappingers Falls. Welcome back to Captain Robert Bateman, III, of West Point. Farewell to Kristine Bellino, who moved from Port Jervis to my old stomping grounds, Saratoga Springs, and Frederick Carlson who has transferred from West Point to Forte Meade, ND.

Mid-Hudson Mention: Remember those stereotypical lines from the westerns? "It's quiet." "Yeah, too quiet." Well, that's what this part of the column is like this month. We didn't receive word of any members in the news, no newsletter reprints, nothing. If you have something worthy of mention, please send it to Bill Zigo, 194 Roosevelt Rd., Hyde Park, NY 12538-2300, or e-mail to mr.marmot@worldnet.att.net.

Marmot Factoids, by Bibi Sandstrom

"It's very hard to get a dead marmot into a plastic bag," speaker Ann Guenther told the Mensa crowd at the March MG. "Not only that, but people talk if they see you do that."

Ann Guenther, nature educator, educated and entertained a number of Mensans about marmots at one of the Monthly Gatherings in 2001. She even had the aforementioned marmot with her; she had stopped by the side of the road and taken the dead woodchuck with her and had it stuffed. As Groundhog's Day is coming up again, here are some facts she shared with us about marmots:

With their high quality muscle meat, they are highly desired by predators. The fur around their necks is thick and loose so dogs can't get a hold of them, but their main defense is going underground, and do they go underground: one can dig up and displace 700 pounds of dirt in a season! They can also swim, climb trees, and run 10 mph! Their eyes, ears, and nose are all within 1/2" of the top of their heads. They often have small bald spots, as they even use their heads (and hands and feet) to dig. They range from 5-15 pounds and 12-20" long. When they hibernate, their heart rates go from 80 to 5 beats per minute and their body temperature plummets to 42ºF!

No mention was made of how many marmots can perch on the head of a LocSec's.

Her co-speaker, her husband Dan, then told the group of the triumphs and travails of organic gardening, as well as how it takes 200 years to make an inch of topsoil, and how 80% of the country's lettuce crop is concentrated in Salinas, CA.

Potpourri: Have You Been Naughty or Nice? (c) Vehig S. Tavitian, 2002, by permission

Home for the celebrations

Oh, how we love the thought.

Lots of different ones are

In the month of

December-Kris Kringle Day

And Hanukah; St. Lucia Day

plus the

Yule log on the Christmas hearth

So ends the month with Kwanzaa.

America-our beloved, freedom-loving United States-is blessed with multi-ethnic, multi-cultural celebrations across the 50 states. From every country throughout the world, our citizens have brought with them the customs of their birth country to enrich the tapestry of this, their adopted, country.

What a beautiful mosaic is available to those who would see. The threads that make the lace-like patterns of our lives can only strengthen our devotion to what our American forefathers bequeathed to us-"...life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." Let us keep the profound Constitutional guarantees in our prayers for family, friends, and all mankind, both now and forever. Amen!

My wish for one and all is for Peace on Earth and Good Will among the inhabitants of Spaceship Earth. And, as Tiny Tim said: "God bless us everyone."

Pun of the Month, From Your Punster, Jim Jelacic

This one is from Sallie Banko:

One young man was smitten with a very lovely young lady. Unfortunately, she did not return the feeling. In desperation, he went and visited a group of witches searching for a love potion. They informed him that they no longer provided such an item. It was highly unethical to administer a potion to someone without her permission. They did have an alternate solution. They sold him a bottle of small white pellets. He was to bury one in her yard every night at midnight for a month. He returned to the witches six weeks later, excited and thankful. He and the young lady were to wed in a month. The witch told him ... "Nothin' says lovin' like something from a coven, and pills buried says it best!"

Send your favorite groaner to:

PUNS, PO Box 133, Esopus NY 12429-0133, jimjelacic@mybizz.net

More MG (bon)Mots in 2001, by Bibi Sandstrom

Members sampled tasty offerings from fellow members in June and saw some special sights and slides of their travels. In May, we watched or even practiced some belly dancing! In September, a large number of "Germania" singers, including our own member Susan Russell, sang at Marlboro instead of Poughkeepsie. In October, various members of local Toastmasters Clubs described how they make speeches, and even sprang "Table Topics" on a couple of us. Kevin Schnaper improvised brilliantly about "chess volleyball"; too bad his mom, Jackie Ferrara, wasn't there to hear him. And in November, Linda Zimmermann, who last spoke to us about checking out ghost sightings, astonished us with tales of "Bad Science" throughout the ages, from the Middle Ages to the recent past. Evidently even a couple of decades ago someone thought drilling a hole in his skull would be helpful.

We now look forward to new MGs, new speakers, and new times with our new MG host, Andi Weiss Bartczak. However, I'd like to look back once more and to give thanks to those that helped with past MGs: to Ziggy, for all the great calendar writeups and early key-fetching; to Angela, for all the key-fetching this last year; to Marlboro Library, for letting us have such a nice place free of charge; to Charlie Rovner, for all the pictures he took; to anyone who ever helped bring food and drink; to all the great speakers; to anyone I've forgotten; and especially to everyone who ever attended a Monthly Gathering. It's my firm belief that a monthly speaker meeting helps bring a group together, which is why I said yes back in 1993 when I brought this idea to the ExComm and they said "Sounds good; how 'bout if YOU run it?" But what really made it worthwhile was the great group of regulars who came out to learn something, to socialize, and to have fun. Mid-Hudson has some really nice people; even if you see your shadow February 2, come on out sometime and meet them!

Snappy Science Snippets, by Andi Weiss Bartzak, PhD

Fighting Anthrax with a Mutant Toxin Anthrax bacteria multiply rapidly when inhaled, quickly producing lethal amounts of the deadly anthrax toxin. Anthrax toxin has a number of components, which are assembled at the surface of the host cells after infection. The lethal action of the toxin occurs inside the cell where two of those components interfere with the body's ability to fight the bacterial infection, so that the bacteria multiply rapidly in the blood. The factors need to be moved across the cellular membrane-not an easy task. The toxin is equipped with a translocation device consisting of 7 identical subunits. Research suggests that incorporation of just one mutant subunit of a particular type prevents translocation of the factors into the cell. Administration of the mutant factor could potentially provide protection even at an advanced stage of disease. Large quantities of this factor, already produced to make the anthrax vaccine, have not been found to be toxic.

Anthrax toxin is one of many multi-subunit toxins that cause severe illness in humans. Some toxins are assembled within the bacteria; therefore, introduction of a defective subunit wouldn't interfere with virulence. For those toxins that are assembled outside the bacteria, this might be a way to treat bacterial infections without using antibiotics.

American Contributions to the Culinary Many classic American dishes are of American Indian origin: Brunswick stew, steamed lobster, clam chowder, chili con carne, spoon bread, and cranberry sauce. Indians in the southwest ate peppers and beans; in the northwest, steamed, broiled, and simmered seafood; in the south, soups, stews, and cornbreads; in the east, the first clambakes were steamed in earthen pits. Linda Beaulieu, Associated Press

Primate Recognition People are experts at recognizing faces quickly and accurately. Early evidence from stroke victims suggest that this ability is located in one section of the brain. Or is it just that people are very interested in faces? Testing birdwatchers and car enthusiasts suggests that that special subsection of the brain is not just for faces. Evolutionarily, faces and places are very important to social primates. Newborns prefer to look at pictures of faces but children who had cataracts for their first few months of life have subtle difficulties in discriminating between similar faces, so experience matters, too. Researchers have found distinct patterns of brain activation for many types of objects, perhaps based on unknown features; other parts of the visual system are tuned to edges, orientations, or colors. Science, v 292 (4/27/01), p. 647

What's Up?, by Tom Rankin, Mid-Hudson Astronomy Assn

In December, we had Mars, Saturn, and Jupiter in the evening. Did anyone see any of these planets? What about the Geminid meteor shower? Speaking of meteor showers, Dawn and I saw over 1,000 Leonid meteors on the morning of November 18! What a sight!

The Quadrantids, a variable meteor shower, will compete with the waning half Moon on the morning of Jaunary 4. Sometimes this is a very good shower, but usually it's pretty sparse.

In January, Mars moves through the constellation Pisces, in the southwest. All this month, Saturn and Jupiter rise before sundown and are visible most of the night. On the 24th, Saturn is very close to the Moon, and Jupiter is very close on the 26th. January 12, Mercury will be well placed for viewing in the west after the Sun sets.

Around February 18, Mercury will be visible in the east before sunrise. Venus will just barely be visible in the west after sunset on the 28th. Mars continues moving east through Pisces, setting around 10:30 pm. Saturn and Jupiter continue to move slowly across the sky all night long, setting very late at night. Once again, both are very close to the Moon on the 20th and 22nd, respectively.

Comet LINEAR will come flying up out of the deep south at the end of February between Sagittarius and Capricorn, and by the end of March it will be in Aquila. This means you could look for it in binoculars low in the southeast before sunrise during this time. See encke.jpl.nasa.gov for more comet information.

Astro News

Astronomers have directly observed a Dark Matter object for the first time. Images and spectra of a MACHO (MAssive Compact Halo Object) microlens, a nearby dwarf star that gravitationally focuses light from a star in a distant galaxy, were acquired by the Hubble Space Telescope and by the Very Large Telescope in Europe. The result is compelling evidence for the belief that a large part of Dark Matter exists as small, faint stars in galaxies like our Milky Way.

What makes Europa a slight pink color? One theory is frozen alien bacteria. Their presence could help explain Europa's mysterious infrared radiation as well.

If you've got a big telescope and some free time, you could get paid to hunt for asteroids. The Planetary Society is accepting applications from those interested.

If you want more information or references on any of these articles, let me know.

This Month's Astronomy Word:

WIMP: Well, almost a word-an acronym for Weakly Interacting Massive Particle. A theoretical subatomic particle, much larger than any other known particle, that may interact only very weakly with normal subatomic particles. This particle is another candidate for Dark Matter or Missing Mass.

Next Month: Spring springs up once again (and as I write this, it isn't even winter yet!)

Club Activities: If you want to see what the MHAA is doing this month, outdoors or indoors, check out our web page, jump.to/mhaa, call our Hotline, ( (845) 485-5669.

Clear Skies!

Program Notes, Calendar Editor Bill Zigo

Monthly Gatherings and the January Smoke-Free Dining event will be skipped this time, partially because of potentially inclement weather, and partially because the contact, Andi Weiss Bartczak, recently had laser eye surgery. (I know recovery can take some time; I had LASIK myself last April.) These events will return in full swing in March.

Ethnic Eatery Expedition (EEE) returns in January. I'm claiming divine right of calendar editor to pick two of my favorite restaurants as the first choices. I hope to keep EEE as a monthly event, and I am also interested in trying EEEs as pot-luck suppers at the home of interested members. If you would like to recommend your favorite ethnic restaurant or host an EEE pot-luck, please contact me.

Please note that I've changed the starting time for Third Thursday Therapy from 11:45 to 11:30. For those of you who may be interested in dining but find a buffet boring, a lunch menu is also available.

We are hoping to be invited to participate as judges at the annual Hyde Park Science Fair, which usually takes place the first Saturday of March. If you have participated in the past, you are already on their mailing list. If you would like to participate, please contact me.

Key to events:

K - Suitable for kids

R - RSVP please

$ - Fee involved

K+ - Suitable for kids over 10

S/N - Smoking/Non

B - BYO drink

P - Pets at event site

Y - Yummies welcome

If an event looks questionable because of the weather or a marmot having his day, call the calendar editor or event contact for the latest information.

This Month's Contacts

Andi Weiss Bartczak

(518) 943-6517

andiwbartczak@yahoo.com

Jim Jelacic

(845) 691-8009

jimjelacic@mybizz.net

Nancy Keyes-Crosby

(845) 384-6553

njkc@msn.com

Charlie Rovner

(845) 462-4787

CRovner@juno.com

Bill Zigo

(845) 229-8746

mr.marmot@worldnet.att.net

5-Star Event

i Nancy Keyes-Crosby

Sun 1/27, 10:30 am, West Park

R/S/Y

Nancy introduces a new event, A 5-STAR EVENT. Snow, Sleighs, Soup, Sandwiches, and Scholarship. Bring your sliding apparatus to enjoy the hill at River Hill. Then warm up with soup and sandwiches, hot chocolate, mulled cider, and other yummies. Scholarship donations gratefully, and gracefully, accepted, although not mandatory. Please call to RSVP and for directions.

Brainstorming

i Bill Zigo

Sat 2/2, 4 pm, Hyde Park-N/Y

Join board members and active chapter members in an upbeat brainstorming session to plan (or maybe plot, depending on our mood) new and improved events and activities for Mid-Hudson Mensa.

Ethnic Eatery Expedition

i Bill Zigo

Wed 1/23, 7 pm, Rhinebeck

We celebrate the return of EEE by going to a Hindi-style Indian buffet at Mughal Raj, [110 US 9, approx. 2 miles south of Rhinebeck at the site of the former Fox Hollow Inn, ( (845) 876-4696]. The buffet ($11.74 + beverage & tip) includes tossed salad, entrees with and without meat, and several types of coffee, tea, and chai. Please contact Bill for additional information & directions.

Tues 2/19, 7 pm

Poughkeepsie-R

Perhaps unknown beyond the Vassar College community and a group of die-hard fans, Saigon Café boasts a casual atmosphere, friendly service, and excellent Vietnamese cuisine. The restaurant is at 6A LaGrange Rd. [Turn off Raymond Avenue at the Marine Midland bank; the restaurant is a 1/2-block down the street on the right, ( (845) 473-1392]. The restaurant is small, and we're hoping to time this event to occur while Vassar is out on mid-winter break; if you plan to attend, an RSVP to Bill is encouraged so we can get adequate table space.

Executive Committee

i Jim Jelacic

Sun 1/13, 1 pm, Highland-P

Is one of your resolutions for 2002 to attend Mid-Hudson Mensa ExComm meetings? We hope it's one for the board members. ExComm meetings are open to all chapter members. If you'd like to sit in on one, please contact Jim.

Fold, Staple, Mutilate

i Bill Zigo

Wed 2/20, 7 pm, Hyde Park-N

We're getting our new routine down, but we're always willing to break tradition by incorporating new volunteers. If you'd like to help assemble the March issue of the Mid-Mensan, please contact Bill. Participants are rewarded with pizza afterward.

Granite Gathering

i nh.us.mensa.org/rgnews.shtm

Fri-Sun 2/15-17, Merrimack, NH

Activities include an RG Primer session, a separate children's program, a chocolate orgy, and speakers covering: car dealer tricks, the science behind science fiction, and controversial observations about individual and collective identity and DNA.

Meet the New Members Party

i Bill Zigo

Sat 2/2, 7 pm, Hyde Park-N/Y

The fun continues at 7 pm when Bill officially starts the "Meet the New Members Party." What's Bill's definition of a new member? It's anyone who feels he or she is! (So if you can't be one, meet some.) Feel free to bring a yummie to supplement the dessert table. Call Bill in advance for directions or info.

Pizza SIG

i Bill Zigo

Sun 1/6, 5 pm, Kingston

As we once again resume our quest for that perfect pizza (which will earn an 8-slice rating), our first destination is Tony's Pizza, 582 Broadway (just west of the railroad underpass, between Adams St. and Delaware Ave.), Kingston, ( (845) 331-3918. Please contact Bill for additional directions or information.

Sun 2/24, 5 pm, Newburgh

Since we're in the coldest part of the year, we'll head south from our January Pizza SIG to sunny, warm, Newburgh (humor? You tell me), to sample the pizza at Planet Pizza, 573 Union Avenue, ( (845) 569-4463. Take I-84 to Exit 7S, NY 300 south; just past the intersection with NY 207, turn left (to stay on NY 300); turn left at the second traffic light beyond this intersection (NY 300 veers right, Union Ave. stays left). Please contact Bill for info or additional directions.

Smoke Free Dining

i Andi Weiss Bartczak

Sat 2/23, 1 pm, Catskill-N/R

This month we do smoke-free lunch instead of dinner at the Mayflower Café, Main Street, Catskill. The food, American-style, ranges from good to excellent. The decor is superb-booths, black marble counter, decorated tin ceiling, gorgeous lighting fixtures, and a classy gift shop upstairs. [From Thruway Exit 21, take NY 23 west to US 9W south. Turn east onto Bridge St., make third left onto Main.] ( (518) 943-7903 Please note-because Andi has limited e-mail access, you should plan on contacting her by e-mail at least 3 days in advance. For more urgent communications, please call.

Testing

i Jim Jelacic

Sun 2/10, Marlboro-R

The Mensa qualification exam is given by one of the proctors in our chapter approximately once every two months. If you know someone who would like to take the test, please contact Jim in advance.

Third Thursday Therapy

i Charlie Rovner

1/17 & 2/21, 11:30 am,

Poughkeepsie-K+

Take a break from the hectic pace for some therapy at Umberto's of Mamma Marissa's at the intersection of US 9 and South Gate Drive, next to Red Lobster. The buffet is $6.95 plus beverage, tax, and tip. Please contact Charlie for info or directions.

Veg Out With Michelle

i Michelle Wojtaszek

Sun 1/13, 5 pm, New Paltz

We're not necessarily saying Ex Comm member Michelle needs to veg out after board meetings, but it seemed like a convenient time. Join us at the Main Street Bistro in New Paltz (59 Main St., on the corner of Main and Church), ( (845) 255-7766. Please contact Michelle for directions or info, or check out their web site, www.mainstreetbistro.com.

Sun 2/10, 5 pm, Kingston

This month, Michelle picks her favorite pizzeria (and one of the few with items on the menu she can eat on her restricted diet), La Florentina, which just happens to be in our Pizza SIG Hall of Fame, too. La Florentina is at 604 Ulster Ave., ( (845) 339-2455. Contact Michelle for info. Bring your Entertainment(r) punch card for an additional discount.

Cryptograms, by Jim Jelacic

Easy: RTNSN'E BL RSWKY RL JNWBQ H TVULSWER ZTNB FLV THAN RTN ZTLPN QLANSBUNBR ZLSYWBQ OLS FLV. -ZWPP SLQNSE

Hard-no punctuation and grouped in five: FQJYQ QJNVR ASHRA QOYRK WAJUY QJCRN QJAMD CBRPQ RTCVQ OYRKB BKJYZ SQ

Dear Miss Mensa, by Barbara Neumann

Miss Mensa wishes all her readers a Happy New Year.

This month, Miss Mensa looks forward to working with new Mid-Mensan editor Angela Tremain. Miss Mensa hopes that outgoing editor Bill Zigo has explained all about how MM receives a high fee for the column each month, with frequent increases. (Ziggy has promised to continue sending the checks. -Ed.)

Miss Mensa is thrilled to hear that editor Angela is a Jane Austen fan. Miss Mensa hopes to have a running topic each month about some aspect of Mr. Darcy's personality, or nuance of a novel's description. We could talk about how in the recent Bridget Jones' Diary there is a Darcy character, and the book is a modern re-telling of the Pride and Prejudice story. Sports fans can mute the column and resume your regular football game watching.

On Pride and Prejudice viewing: Editor Angela watches the A&E production and the Olivier version. Miss Mensa recommends the BBC version, done before the A&E version. Mr. Darcy is quite the catch in that one; that is, the actor David Rintoul as compared to Colin Firth. Wonderful as the A&E version is, the BBC one is excellent, more traditional and formal, but very witty.

Miss Mensa is slowly, over time, reading the John Grisham books. One of Miss Mensa's goals is to read more Dickens books. There was an online Barnes & Noble class in December on his Christmas novels. So maybe we could have some cross-column banter over these authors.

Miss Mensa is on IQ overload, having just taken two days of classes taught by Barbara Rankin and Bill Zigo. Miss Mensa had difficulty filling out the attendance signup sheet, not realizing that it was continued on the back, which shows you how she did in the complex technical class on mainframe computer program testing.

Miss Mensa would like to know who in the world invented the automobile "beep" system where-by neighbors park near her apartment and "beep" remotely every time they open and close their doors! This is an invasion of our auditory serenity and Miss Mensa demands a recall at once! Also, regarding the telephone, when MM was young, she was told that the new "pound" sign (#) would be used for important innovations in the future. When is that going to happen? All MM knows is that, if you press 1, you are led into a labyrinthine series of prompts leaving you on hold for precious moments of your life as you wait. Also, Miss Mensa is still waiting for that "dust-free house" that was predicted in the '50s.

And now, some timely news from Miss Mensa's brother, our own Doktor Mainframe:

Doktor Mainframe recently held a press conference to announce that he had cloned himself at an undisclosed laboratory compound somewhere in North America. "I have created this clone for the good purposes of legitimate scientific research, and to produce organs for transplantation in case I ever need them in the future," Doktor Mainframe explained. "I assure you that I will never use my clone for evil purposes, such as to give me an alibi at the exact time of a record-breaking jewelry heist, or chaining him in the attic and making him do my job via remote login while I lounge poolside."

Paws for Reflection

By RVC Betsey Burke

As we start the new year, Region 1 has a lot to be thankful for. I'm really pleased at how well Mensa did on National Testing Day with a total of 1,467 people tested. Boston tested 54 people! The only group that surpassed that total was Minnesota with 55. Connecticut/Western Massachusetts tested 48, and when you see that Greater Los Angeles tested 49 people, you realize just how fantastic that number is. Thanks to all the proctors, coordinators, and PR folks for making this a successful effort.

The membership in Region 1 is also growing. So far this year we've added 317 new members with 209 between the ages of 16 and 35. Thanks to the membership officers for all the work you're doing to help.

Thanks also to Richard Schwartz who is giving up the chair of the cyberspace committee. He's done a wonderful job working on this committee and has agreed to remain a member. Tyger Gilbert will now chair the committee.

At the December AMC meeting Bob Cox was appointed the new SIGHT coordinator as Tanya Hsu has resigned. The vote was 17 in favor, 1 against, the chair not voting. Other issues dealt with were member privacy rights and the need to revise Mensa's bylaws.

If you're planning your yearly budget remember to allow money for gatherings. February will find many of us in New Hampshire for their RG. Check your bulletin or the web site for other gatherings that are coming up.

Nobody Knows the Spam that I Have Seen, by Tim Goetsch, Mensagenda, Nov 2001 (Bill Conlon, Editor)

Like most e-mail users, I get tons of annoying spam, up to twenty unsolicited ads a day. There's spam for get-rich-quick schemes, spam for low-rate mortgages (I rent), spam for credit cards, spam for potions, spam for services, spam for lists of e-mail addresses so I can send my own spam, and an astonishing amount of spam in Spanish. Yes, I get spam in languages I don't understand. Go figure.

What do you do with all this garbage? Why, you make fun of it, that's what you do.

DEEP DISCOUNTS ON NIAGARA THE FIZZ BLUE HERBAL TONIC

(They might think it's clever to name it after a falls, but I'd rather they named it after an ups.)

Business English School Prof de Harvard dictará curso de escritura de CV, cover letter y entrevistas laborales en inglés

(I wish I knew Spanish, so that I could learn business English.)

FESTIVAL AEREO OSH KOSH 2001

(That's south of the border, down Oshkosh way.)

LOOK LIKE CINDY CRAWFORD IN 6 WEEKS!!

(Gonna take longer than that.)

ENLARGE YOUR BREAST SIZE GUARANTEED

(I'd rather be loved for my mind.)

Viva y trabaje en los Estados Unidos/Live and work in America.

(Should the ink on my green card be running?)

All Of Your Favorite Movie Stars Naked

(Harpo and Chico, maybe, but not Groucho!)

NORMAL!

(Oh, that hurt!)

How to escape PSYCHIC ABUSE

(Stop calling 900 numbers, maybe?)

ADV: Cranberry Juice SAVE 58% Factory Direct

(Just what I always wanted, gallons and gallons of the cheapest cranberry juice on the Internet.)

.Ì*o3/4y1/2Í*a,´æ"?3/4{¶b,bA渶"¶h§¸

(Come again?)

=?oigoQ=A4=A3=A4@=A9w=And=C5=A5=A4=D1=

(I thought that's what you said.)

Seduce Women Instantly!

(I hope they have a pickup line that's better than the one I use now: "I know where you can get free daycare.")

Video de Pamela Anderson Y Tommy Lee

(What would mi madre think?)

Italy News Newsletter

(I've never revealed this to my readers before, but my real name is Timoteo Getcione. How these people found out, I'll never know.)

Longest Lasting Folding Tables on Earth! Need One?

(They bought a list of hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of e-mail addresses, and all they could think of was selling tables. And, yes, I do need one.)

Get Rid of those Paper Piles!!!!!

(Do they also have a cure for cardboard shingles?)

Would you like CASH RIGHT NOW for ANY REASON?

(If I say "Yes," that means I'm stupid. If I say "No," that also means I'm stupid. Damn, these people are good.)

David Lettermensa's Stupid Math Tricks, by Dave Kochler

Have you ever been sitting at a party wondering how you could possibly impress that Math geek you noticed across the room? Of course not. But should this ever come up in the future, like the day after hell freezes over, I can help. I have, over the years, accumulated some strange mathematical thingies that I'd like to share with everyone, even if they object ... vehemently. So without a lot of further ado, Today's Lesson: Bullwinkle is a dope. Not that lesson. This lesson:

How to square two-digit numbers in your head.

This is easier than it looks and definitely more pointless. The only things you need to remember are the squares of the numbers one through nine: 1^2 = 1, 2^2 = 4, 3^2 = 9, 4^2 = 16, 5^2 = 25, 6^2 = 36, 7^2 = 49, 8^2 = 64 and 9^2 = 81.

The easiest way to show this is by example. We will use the number 47. Think of it as 40 and 7. First, square 40 (1600). Add to that the square of 7 (49). Now add to that the product of 40 x 7, doubled. (280 x 2 = 560). So 472= 1600 + 49 + 560 = 2209.

It is an example of (X + Y)2 = X2 + 2XY + Y2.

This works for all two digit numbers, but if the person testing you asks you to square a number ending with a five there is an easier, faster way. The example: 75. Take the 7 and multiply it by the next highest integer (number). This would be 7 x 8 = 56. Next tack on a 25 at the end. The answer is 5625.

Well I hope this helps the next time someone looks at you and says, "You seem like a nice enough person, but can you do math?"

Good luck and Happy Mathing.

David Lettermensa's Top 5 List of the Month

Books Mensans Won't Read, by Dave Kochler

5) A Streetcar Named Despair

4) Not Enough Ado About Something

3) Dare To Be Indifferent

2) Diminished Expectations

1) The Idiot's Guide to Moronic Behavior

Are You Game?, by Bill Zigo

Sometimes it's very risky-and very wrong-for a game maker to modify a classic. However, I have to give Hasbro, which currently owns Trivial Pursuit(r), a big "thumbs up" for their new version of the game, In Pursuit(tm). I brought a copy of this game to the New England Pilgrimage in December, and it was an instant hit.

In Pursuit is for four to eight players, who comprise two teams. Tokens are drawn to determine each team's players and leader. Each team's goal is to get to the center of the board by answering questions correctly. But once the token is in the center, it's every player for him- or herself, as only the leader of a team can be declared the winner.

A die roll determines the question category, and a second die roll determines the option each player has in addition to the basic turn. For the basic turn, the player asks the other team the question. If they get it right, their token moves forward. If they miss it, your token moves forward. Only the team leader may give the final answer.

However, instead of your normal turn, you will also have one of two other options available. One option is to challenge your own team leader for that role. Instead of asking the other team the question, you ask your team leader. If the team leader gets it right, your team advances; if the team leader answers incorrectly, the other team moves forward, but you become the leader of your team. The other option is to jump ship. If you announce this, the leader of the other team selects the player on that team whom you challenge. If that player answers the question correctly, that team advances; if the player answers incorrectly, your team advances, but you switch teams with that player. All switches are done simply by exchanging your current token.

When a team reaches the center, all questions for that team are directed to the current team leader, who wins the game with a correct answer. If the question was asked by another member of the team and the team leader answered incorrectly, the player who asked the question becomes the new team leader.

In Pursuit moves a lot faster than the original game, where you might answer a lot of questions just to get one marker in your token. In this game, there is progress every turn. The more we played it, the more subtle the strategies we developed. I highly recommend In Pursuit, and at a sale price of $19.99 (at Target anyway), it's a better bargain than a lot of this year's new games.

Trivia, by Jim Jelacic

Greetings, Fellow Trivians!

There was confusion on the answer to one of November's questions. For Q75 it was proven to me that either True or False can be right. Poor question design on my part. I am, therefore, counting Q75 correct on all submissions. Here are the answers to November's questions:

Q70: The longest recorded hot spell (100ºF or above) lasted 162 days. Where did this happen?

A70: Marble Bar, Western Australia; October 30, 1923 - April 7, 1924.

Q71: Whose characters include "Clem Kadiddlehopper", "Cauliflower McPugg", and "The Mean Widdle Kid"?

A71: Red Skelton's.

Q72: The 22nd Amendment to the US Constitution, limiting Presidential terms to no more than two, was adopted during whose Presidential term?

A72: Harry Truman's.

Q73: The movie "Lust for Life", starring Kirk Douglas, was a biography of which post-impressionist painter?

A73: Vincent van Gogh.

Q74: The male deer is a buck and the female deer is a doe. What are the male and female rabbit?

A74: Buck and doe.

Q75: True or False: Arabs use Arabic numerals.

A75: False: the numeric symbols in the Arabic language are mostly different from the "Arabic" numerals developed in India.

Q76: What was the most expensive building to be built in America in the 19th century?

A76: State Capitol, Albany, NY.

Q77: Who was Mary Virginia "Jennie" Wade?

A77: The only civilian casualty at the battle of Gettysburg. (Author Cindy Small, "The Jennie Wade Story")

Q78: Is the ice on the North Pole different from the ice on the South Pole?

A78: Yes. The ice on the South Pole is glacial and is made of snow. The ice on the North Pole is made of ocean water.

The winner is Dave Cardall with 9 correct answers. Les Herring had 5 correct answers. Ed Quinn, ineligible since he won last year, had 8 correct answers.

This is the last batch of questions for this year's contest. I am cleaning out most of the submitted questions. Have fun and good luck:

Q88: Besides Guam, what other present US territory was ceded to the US by Spain after the Spanish-American War?

Q89: What Tom Hanks movie won the Oscar(r) for Best Picture in 1994?

Q90: In 1819, Secretary of State John Quincy Adams orchestrated the purchase of Florida from Spain for no money-just dropping over $5 million in debts. Who was president at this time?

Q91: Who was the first US writer to achieve international acclaim for his short story collection "The Sketch Book of Geoffrey Crayon" in 1820?

Q92: What moon is the only volcanically active moon known in the Solar System?

Q93: Was D.B. Cooper, the first man to hijack an airplane, ever found?

Q94: Invented in China, in what century were fireworks first seen? (Submitted by Dave Cardall)

Q95: What percent of our body weight is skin? (Submitted by Dave Cardall)

Q96: Both died circa A.D. 67. Apostle Peter was crucified; how did Paul die? (Submitted by Dave Cardall)

Q97: Ranking 12th world-wide, name USA's most expensive city in which to live. (Submitted by Dave Cardall)

Q98: How many gallons of maple syrup does Vermont produce each year? (Submitted by Dave Cardall)

Q99: How many covered bridges does Vermont have? (Submitted by Dave Cardall)

Q100: What is the world's most climbed mountain? (Submitted by Dave Cardall)

Send your answers to TRIVIA CONTEST, PO Box 133, Esopus NY 12429-0133 or jimjelacic@mybizz.net by January 31st.

TV Trivia, by Jim Jelacic

"That Does Not Compute"

Philosophers say it is man's goal in life to improve upon himself. Ever impatient with the time required for evolution, he builds his own improvements-either in bits and pieces (cyborg) or the entire person (robot). See if you can answer these TV questions about metal men and men with metal parts.

1. Famous for her Pineapple Upside-Down cake, who helps Jane Jetson with the chores around the space pad?

2. Who created Data from "Star Trek: The Next Generation"?

3. What was the name of the "Warning: Will Robinson!" robot on "Lost in Space"?

4. Bob Cummings created her. Julie Newmar played her. Who was she?

5. This TV spin-off from a movie series features a Detroit cyborg police officer.

6. How did the robot in "Futurama" get his name?

7. What novel was "The Six Million Dollar Man" based on?

8. Who was Twiki the robot's voice in "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century"?

9. What was the name of the robot on "Get Smart" who could do anything except fold a lawn chair?

10. What is the Comedy Central show that has garage- and basement-built robots go after each other in a "fighting arena" with all the glitz and glamour of pro-wrestling?

Music Trivia, by Bill Zigo

"The Quiet Beatle"

The Beatles have been in the news a lot again lately. The good news (to me anyway) is that Billboard magazine said the Beatles "1" was the album of the year for 2001, and that Paul's new song, "Freedom", is getting airplay. The bad news was that we lost George Harrison. In his honor, this month's trivia relates to George.

1. How many #1 songs did George have?

2. How many gold and/or platinum singles did George have?

3. In 1976, it was ruled that one of George's songs plagiarized a song by the Chiffons. Name both songs.

4. True or False: On George's #2 hit, "All Those Years Ago", a tribute to John Lennon, Paul and Ringo accompanied him.

5. Written by George, who accompanied the Beatles on the song "While My Guitar Gently Weeps"?

6. As a member of the group The Traveling Wilburys, which Wilbury was George: Otis, Nelson, Lefty or Lucky?

7. Before they officially became The Beatles, there were several previous incarnations with different members. Was George a member of all the incarnations?

8. What was George's most successful solo album?

9. What religion, mentioned in one of his hits, did George practice?

10. The only time that all four Beatles had a song in the Billboard Top 40 at the same time came on 12/14/1974. The other three songs were "Whatever Gets You Through the Night" (John), "Junior's Farm" (Paul), and "Only You" (Ringo). What was George's song?

Answers:

Cryptograms

Easy: There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.-Will Rogers

Hard: We are each only one drop in a great ocean-but some of the drops sparkle!

The Quiet Beatle

1. 3 ("My Sweet Lord", "Give Me Love", "Got My Mind Set On You")

2. 1 ("My Sweet Lord" went gold)

3. "My Sweet Lord" and "He's So Fine"

4. True

5. Eric Clapton

6. Nelson

7. Yes

8. All Things Must Pass

9. Hare Krishna

10. "Dark Horse"

That Does Not Compute

1. Rosie the Robot

2. Dr. Noonian Soon

3. Robot

4. "My Living Doll"

5. "RoboCop-the Series"

6. Bender got his name from what he was built for-bending steel girders.

7. "Cyborg" by Martin Caidin

8. Mel Blanc

9. Hymie

10. "BattleBots"